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VIDEO VIDEO: Josh Dubovie - That Sounds Good to Me

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There is nothing more cringe-worthy than a bad entry, especially if its your own country, but how could seasoned industry professionals get Eurovision so wrong?

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It is common knowledge that the 2010 contest is one of my favorites in recent years; the simple staging, the interval acts, the pulled back but mesmerizing show, it ticked all the boxes for me. One other reason this year is so high in my books is because of song quality, which was very high in my eyes. Nearly every song, bar two or three, was relatively pleasing and I enjoyed each one. UNTIL, I find as I am watching the news one day on a cold afternoon, a song is played. I think to myself it is just another two-bit reality star trying to make a name for themselves, until I see the word Eurovision. I had missed the national final, and do I wish that the rest of the country did as well. For those who are unaware, the writers of this song, Pete Waterman and Mike Stock, were revolutionary music moguls in the 80's, the era in which they should have stayed. I knew that the UK had missed the glory days of Eurovision success, but That Sounds Good To Me was a striking overstatement, filled with out of date music, terribly cliche lyrics and a whole host of shaky and cringe inducing elements that are rivaled to that of Jemini. No doubt, it came last; escaping nil-points being the only redeeming moment that night. With just 10 points to his name, Josh came home empty handed, but I still can't get over how much this song flopped.

In an effort to explore why, the 12points Jury finds out in the only way it can: a pun-filled camp video review! Claws at the ready!

Song/Lyrics: 3/12

This song is just one giant irony. Long story short, it didn't sound good, no matter what Pete Waterman tries to sell off as a Eurovision hit. I am not saying he doesn't know what he is talking about, he practically owned the charts in the 80's, however this is exactly where this song belongs' the electronic highlights, the cliche pop drumbeat, its literally one train wreck after another. Perhaps he was illusioned by thinking that because we won in the 1980's, by recreating the sound it might bring back some memories and help us win. Needless to say it didn't work. 

I don't know what their inspiration was for the lyrics, perhaps they were thinking that a baking theme would help? Add her laughter, sunshine, good times? Its like a recipe for a care bear! These lyrics are like sick on a plate, fraught with cliche, stereotype and just plain terrible song writing. I mean, "Who can make these wishes and dreams come true? And with you beside me, your loving hands to guide me, anything is possible to do"? Give me a break. 

How do I begin to imagine all these happy faces I'd like to see? Stop singing Josh. Just stop singing. Bring back the gibberish, its still an improvement.

Performance: 5/12

Oh Josh, what did you let yourself in for? The recession hit the UK hard, and going from Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber to Pete Waterman is a bit of a jump, but this is ridiculous. I want to say that they didn't think outside the box, but not only would that be a terrible pun (then again, terrible set. fits the bill) but it would also be wrong. They did think outside the box, however that box was common sense. I don't get why there were so many boxes, unless it sparked some kind of romance for Josh? I just think everything made little sense. It was energetic though! They all gave it their all, and on their own they would all be very good features in their own right, however all together was somewhat confusing. The dancers were like puppy dogs, following him around doing stupid things with their bodies, the singers were singing the wrong type of harmony for the song, It all just gave me a headache.

Doesn't sound good, doesn't look good, not exactly a great start is it?

Choreography (Including Hair-ography and Arm-ography): 6/12

I have two theories that explains Josh Dubovie's extremely awkward attempts at getting the crowd motivated. One, he was being forced to clap, with Pete Waterman holding a gun from offstage, or that Josh was constipated. Needless to say, Josh couldn't clap never mind dance, and his attempts at getting them motivated was met with little reaction from the crowd. My favorite shots where of a completely disinterested audience. Just stop clapping Josh, no one else is.

The Dancers really gave it some welly though. On their own or in a song that made more sense, they would have gotten a better reception. But of course this is the United Kingdom we are talking about, who have mastered such terrible choreography such as the suspender holding moves of Brotherhood of Man, the skirt pulling of Bucks Fizz (treasures of their times) and more recently, the plane arms of Scooch. Choreography really isn't our bag, so please stop trying. You don't see Andrew Lloyd Webber twerking on a piano.

Key Change Effectiveness: 3/12

As you can guess, no key change. I am coming to the conclusion that I should probably change this to just review the singing, but the optimist in me still believes that a key change will come.

What is the golden rule for singers and Songwriters? Don't write songs that the singer cant sing, why do you think that people mime all the time? The only reason I had trouble reviewing this song was because I had to relive the terrible conclusion to "That sounded terrible to me". That note was a bigger disaster than when the BBC thought Jemini would be a fitting Eurovision contribution. Ouch!

Camp Factor: 3/10

I wouldn't describe this song as camp, in fact I find it hard describing this song at all without somehow throwing a negative in. Cliche? Yes. Dated? Yes. Terrible, perhaps you should read this article again. Camp has a special place in the heart of Eurovision, and camp is a storm if done well, but this is just one poor judgment call after another. I am pretty show that even if Josh Dubovie sung in nothing but a G-string and nipple tassels, it wouldn't do well.  

Total: 20/60: Most of you must think that I am being relatively harsh about our boy next door Josh. I'm not, Josh is a very talented singer and would have done so much better in another music contest (I'm sure the Voice is still recruiting!), but my issues come with the terrible way that Eurovision is run. I hate to make this a lot deeper than it should be, but as a UK resident who is tired of having Eurovision slated, who believes that the good of Eurovision out-weighs the bad, I am sick of the BBC giving a completely half-hearted effort in attracting out of date, end of the road stars and thinking their past will help them win. Webber may have been a star vehicle, but he is relevant; Pete Waterman certainly isn't. Waterman, Engelbert Humperdinck, Bonnie Tyler, and the inevitable golden oldie they decide to choose for Denmark next year are all prime examples of why Eurovision needs to be fresh, needs to be relevant, but above all, needs to be respected.

Josh now made his image a lot more edgy, now touring as "Josh James". He is rugged, his look is updated and his sound has been revamped into RnB Electronic. Unfortunately, his songs are still pretty rubbish. Never mind Josh, with a face like yours, there is always the bath house circuit.

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