Avast Eurovision fans! A band of camp, Latvian Pirates stormed the stage in Serbia, but did they really steal the show, or did they go a little overboard? Arr!.
When choosing a Eurovision entry, it's best to pick something that hasn't been done before, something eye-catching and new, so vibrant and astounding that you couldn't possibly fail to win! However, somewhere in a Latvian conference room, people were having quite a slow day; enter Pirates of the Sea! This amalgamation of 6 washed up singers (get it, and I use the term "singer" loosely) were obviously the brainchild of numerous producers who must have been smoking something pretty strong whilst coming up with ideas, although I have a feeling they were watching Pirates of the Carribean at the time. Now don't get me wrong, this peppy little number was full of spirit, but it was also full of bum notes, tacky choreography and a shoddy excuse for a pirate ship. Wolves of the Sea somehow managed 12th place, perhaps if Jedward threatened Eurovision with plundering and pillaging, they might have scraped a top five placing.
So did we treasure this song, or did it make us want to walk the plank? Lets see what the 12points jury had to say!
And be warned, expect many pirate puns.
Roberto Meloni, honey! Oh how the mighty do fall. On paper, a peppy little number about pirates would be vaguely interesting at the best of times, however the song quality sunk very low indeed, which is even considering that this song had more producers than wooden leg has termites. You would think at least one of these Swedes would come up with something better. Nevertheless, it's a song about pirates; you get what you pay for. It is rather fun to watch, not as much to listen to but Hey Ho (Or should that be Hi Hi Hey Ho. who needs so many Swedish producers, this stuff writes itself). But the quality of the song just isn't too amazing, its nothing to shake your booty to.
With those shabby costumes and all that flag waving, it was less Wolves of the Sea, more Les Miserables! Some points where just dire! The singing was amateur at best, poor as the song progressed (Roberto looked like he was about to pass out)! Some performed amicably well though, it was actually like you were watching six Latvian pirates perform a poorly written pop song. As they say, Pirates are all they can be. That is for sure, because good singers they are not.
It seemed lacking, despite the fact that energy was certainly clear in the song, I just wasn't drawn into their performance. It's a shame, they could have done so much more with their performance. I must say that they're high ranking was down to the sheer gimmick of being pirates, but some pirate ettiquette needs to be established, you cant drive a ship with a microphone on your hand, my my.
Choreography (including Hair-ography and Arm-ography): 8/12
So where they trying to entice us with their arms or did they have some salt in their fingers? They kept the dancing thick and fast, but sometimes, when you are given the opportunity to move, it doesn't mean you should. But, they had a cheesy chorus routine! If you have been keeping up with my previous articles, you will notice my inherent sadness for a lack of routine and key change in entries, and this song has both, albeit poor, but they tried! Although were they trying to recreate a sword fighting scene in the middle 8? It looked like one of two things, either the two head pirates were having an argument and expressing their anger through intepretive dance, or they were learning how to zumba. Either way it didn't work. Then again, I guess we have to be glad that Captain Hook wasn't involved, he would have taken someones eye out!
Although on second though, it could have used a little more naturalism.
Key Change Effectiveness: 7/12
Finally, a key change! It would have been that much better if it was in tune though. The harmonies just did not work, and the vocals were really not up to scratch, pirates or not this is still a singing competition; perhaps try conquering a singing teacher next, I am sure it will be more beneficial in the long run. On the other hand, you can't blame them, pirates aren't amazing singers because they cant hit the high seas.
I regret nothing.
Camp Factor: 9/12
There is no denying, this song is camp. Less Pirates of the Sea and more Pirates of Penzance! The costumes, the cheese, it is literally like a pirate party at Dana International's house. It makes the song fun and enjoyable to watch, and Latvia do have the fun factor on their side, it was an amirable effort, but the captain certainly needs to go down with his ship in this instance.
Total: 39/60: I have made it clear that this song just doesn't do it for me, I am a very harsh critic on pirate music, but I have a very strong stance on gimmicks: Do it properly, or not at all. I am not denying that this song was exciting, but you don't see Captain Jack Sparrow throwing on a sparkly hat and rocking it for Belgium do you? With a little more attention to detail this song could have been so much better, but this song is still cute, I probably wont find many people who haven't enjoyed this song one way or another, but steal the show they did not, and I am pretty sure that this song hit stormy seas on its Eurovision journey.
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