What about my life? What about that hair? What about that excessive arm-ography?.
Why did this song remain a favourite before the competition, with odds in the Top 5, and crash out of the final this year? Was it because the lyrics went away from the typical Eurovision pleas for peace and love in the world and instead said WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME YOU BASTARD AND WHEN YOU GO TO HELL I HOPE YOU SUFFER FOREVER?
Here are the results of the 12Points jury - what about how we felt?
Song/Lyrics - 12/12
It took four men to write this song, and even if one of them contributed to the lyrics, he sure had a brilliant idea of what constitutes a terrible break up from a women's perspective. Either the lyricists watched endless Jennifer Aniston movies, is gay, or both. The music manages to be both subtle, layered, but Eurotrashy all at once utilizing some loud drums and minor chords.
Performance - 12/12
Technically, this should lose a few points because Kati's vocals are good but a bit ropey. Still, this is a vast improvement from the semi final, where she appeared out of breath and nervous, and the whole song suffered from screwed up sound during the broadcast. The 12 points awarded here come from other factors - the subtle backing vocalists and dancers kept in the background, everyone working well with what was a deadly stage by using most of it, and various anguished arm-ography moves (more on that below).
Choreography (including Arm-ography and Hair-ography) - 12/12
The classic arm-flexing, fist-closed arm-ography has been assigned to the backing vocalists, who also do the classic, arms-slowly-moving-up-and-arms-slowly-moving-down move. The hip hop dancers in the background add the latest Eurovision choreography trend of having lots of moviement that has nothing to do with the song. Even Kati's hair had a few springy moves of its own.
Key Change Effectiveness - 0/12
Oh, Kati... what happened! Loss of points here due to the lack of a key change.
Camp Factor - 12/12
Where do we start? Clutching the microphone as if in prayer triggers an automatic 12 points award. Twirls that come out of nowhere, a turquoise dress that looked like it escaped from an 80s prom and was altered later to expose maximum leg, extremely high heels, the switch to Hungarian and back to English... inspired!
SUBTOTAL: 48/60. We are taking the extraordinary move to award bonus points for the first time for the amazing work Kati did before showing up in Germany. In her music video, she attends a rehearsal with her dancers and within 5 seconds of arriving, grabs a water bottle and starts singing into it. That gets a bonus 6 points, leading to a TOTAL of 54/60. Well done, Miss Wolf!
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